The New Rules of the Game

Harvey Weinstein is a relatively insignificant porcine individual. What is significant both historically and otherwise, is that the tipping point has been reached from a time when male abuse and harassment of women as acts of dominant power was acceptable social behavior (at least behind closed doors), and the new world of Now: when people (especially in power), have had enough of sitting in silence on the other side of that door.

It looks to me like enough men finally said enough is enough visavis the behaviour of other men to express their disapproval. Couple with the facts that enough women are now in positions of leverage and power now to censure inappropriate professional behaviour as well as report assault as a crime. No one should ever be forcing anyone else to have sex or anything approaching it, regardless of circumstance. There really, simply is no excuse. We all know that, don’t we?

This is a small triumph for feminism when unwanted sexual advances are de-normalised. Calling something the ‘new normal’ indicates a change and progression in the zeitgeist. This turning point has ‘No Return’ stamped on its ticket. We won’t be going back anytime soon on this new normal in which men keep tabs and check each other and women assert their social space, no longer afraid to speak out when it is compromised.

‘But where does that leave us horny men?’

I can hear someone muttering under his trenchcoat from the back row.

Will men no longer be permitted to express attraction, much less physical affection towards a woman without incurring the wrath of the new PC-Puritan sex police?

Of course not, that is unless you don’t subscribe to something we call

Common Sense.

No matter the testosterone level, a man knows when a woman isn’t interested in him. Common Sense dictates that you move along and stop bothering her; because that’s exactly what you will be doing if you keep garnering attention on a woman who is clearly uninterested in you. Bothering her. Move along son, there’s nothing more to do here.

For those for whom rejection is a challenge, or at least not an obstacle that can’t be overcome, things get a lot trickier.

My advice is to learn how to flirt.

Flirtation is where sexual negotiation really takes place. I admit that it’s much more common in European environments (even Britain) than in the US. There, flirtation (or banter), plays on wit. You’re going to need to charm your way forwards; which means most of all, consideration and respect for her and her wishes. Is romance really dead in America? Usurped by the hook-up apps? Or is it just common courtesy that’s expired? Why wouldn’t you treat a woman (or man) with whom you wish to share an intimate moment like gold (or a shooting star or a rainbow or even a delicate but fragrant pink rose)?

But those to whom I really want to address my remarks and who may very well be reading this, are those young (or old) men who are confused about a woman’s reactions, detect so-called mixed signals or just really can’t figure out what she’s about or where she’s at. I have the universal answer for you in just two words: Ask Her.

‘Is it ok’? Is it ok for me to get your number? Is it ok if we hangout sometime? Is it ok if I put my arm around you? Is it ok if I kiss you? Is it ok if we go somewhere else? If the response to any of those questions is ‘No’ that’s exactly what it means. You stop. You don’t ask again. You either move on or change the nature of your relationship. I’ve made great friends with women who have initially shot down my romantic gestures. There’s always more to a woman than your attraction to her. Let her express her wants and her desires to you. How?

J.A.H.: Just ask her. I guarantee no matter who she is, she will appreciate the respect of your consideration. Which is really what you want to both give and receive. Respect, consideration, politeness, gallantry are never going out of fashion, guys. It is astounding how many men really don’t know how to treat women, especially beautiful women with any gentility, much less respect.

If you can’t treat a woman as well as your best friend, you have no business trying to go to bed with her. Any attempt to do so outside of mutual respect and genuine affection (be that as mad or passionate as it might be), is an abuse of some kind. If not simply self-abuse of one’s own sexuality. On the other hand, many seem to thrive on self-abuse in one form or another.

That’s it guys, lecture over. Now let’s go out there and win our selves a Football Game!!!